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2,788 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
what is it with users?

i use the break in network usage at half term to wipe all the roaming profiles from the machines on the network

come back and someone is asking me why all their work since february has dissappeared and can i 'fix it'

no i cannot fix it you moron because it shouldn't have been on the machine in the first place and so it has been deleted!!!!

6,881 Posts
Your new to this job aint you! [:D]

Thats nothing. You wait till you get the REALLY annoying ones who don't understand what double clicking is!

398 Posts
haha yep bless em

i really do wonder how some of my users manage to operate a kettle or toaster at home (let alone a PC) - i mean at work if it's electrical their brain stops working and they come to me for help

6,626 Posts
In my last job we had one very problematic user who logged a support call with IT because his door handle fell off [:|] WTF?

1,964 Posts
Hey at one in-house support job I did, if it used electricity ( and it didn't matter be it mains, battery or solar powered - think calculators) and they had a problem, they called me.

28 Posts
Some Tech support conversations:

? Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."

? Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

? Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

? Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

? Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

? "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

? Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."

? "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

? Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

? Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

Diesel isn't a dirty word
11,030 Posts
following are a few tips to help you get the best out your IT department at
work. [:p]

1. When you call us to have
your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,
baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's
art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting
glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you
won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300
screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you
from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail
because your computer won't power on at all.

6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at
once. We're just testing.

7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill
your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it
as a rush delivery.

9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call IT support. There's electronics in

10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call IT support. We can
fix your telephone line from here.

11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call IT support.
We're collectors.

12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair
with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a

13. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges
in them, argue. We love a good argument.

14. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a
scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
shortly?" That motivates us.

15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs
frequently get sucked into black holes.

16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68
printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what
you mean by "my thingy blew up".

18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift
the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have
20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail
upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs
and nail clippings in them.

21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes
button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it,
would you?

22. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on
the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any
money to speak of anyway.

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional
expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T.
support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and
Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer
with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call I.T. Support.

26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T. Support. We
love to hack.

27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call
the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who
doesn't know anything about the problem.

28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a
mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks.
Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.

30. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing ?100,000 worth of computer
equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take
the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up
no end.

31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People
out in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">India</st1:place></st1:country-region>
like to keep abreast of what's going on.

32. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a
computer question. We do weekends.

33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own.

Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office,

leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers

You know its true...


90 Posts
Point 1: So true!

We have a user here who refuses to lift anything heavier than a book. She's a real "I'll get a health and safety assessment" type...

She had to move desk and refused to do it herself, an IT bod came down to do it (why him?) and her PC was covered in crud, postcards, etc.

Also, her display was slow to refresh when she went to the desktop. She had a HUGE picture of a whale set as her background (by huge it was like 3000pixels by 2000pixels in 300dpi or something). I said to just resize the picture or use another. Nope, she didn't want to do that. OK live with your sluggish desktop then. My problem? Think again!

Diesel isn&#39;t a dirty word
11,030 Posts
OK live with your sluggish desktop then. My problem? Think again!
Ahhh.. the old it is no longer an MP its now a YP! [:)]

We also have a couple of acronyms here as well:

PEBCAK - Problem exists between chair and keyboard

IO Error - Idiot Operator (Good one to use on the phone whilst talking to said
person) [:)]


6,626 Posts
I'm on a support call right now. Jeeeeez [:|]

Right-click the icon in the bottom right of the server screen and exit the utility.

Still no remote access.

Restart the ZyXEL router. Small box under the server with flashing lights.

<phone on hold>

Err, have you changed desk?


Where were you just now?

My desk.

No I needed you at the server, not your desk. Your PC is not the server.

Oh, OK.

Right-click the icon in the bottom-right and exit.

There's no icon.

OK restart the little box that says ZyXEL, it has flashing lights on it.

Er, it has a button that says "I" and "O", "Test" and it also says "APC..."

Nooooooo no no no no no no NO!!!! That's your uninterruptible power supply! I said a little box that says ZYXEL!


252 Posts

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

== =============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver

on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.


Diesel isn&#39;t a dirty word
11,030 Posts
Have you deleted their roaming profiles from the server too?

Looks like you had better put them on mandatory profiles [:D]
We run mandatory profiles for the students here and it really pi**es them off when they store stuff on their desktop despite being warned and next time they log on it has, surprise surprise, just disappeared [:D]

They never learn do they...


2,788 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
i didnt't know it was called mandatory profiles but thats basically what we do here. i'm gonna check whether the files are still in her area and just the link has been deleted (i reset all of the profiles on the server at the same time), but if they are still there and she can't find them it just looks even stupider

'students'? where do you work? i'm in a girls grammar school
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