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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm sure none of you are guilty but please pass this on to the that happless woman in accounts or that bloke bald bloke (who looks like Mr Burns off the Simpsons) in HR who drives a CRV and all the other numpties who have canaries flying round inside their heads singing La-Le-La, Do-Doo-Do as they drive home thinking about anything other than the task in hand especially when they are causing agro..... You wouldn't deliberately hold people up in Sainsbury's with your trolley (but maybe you would) so why do it on the M4 !!!

1, Highways Agency Nissan Patrol vans may LOOK like police cars, may only go 55mph on the motorway.

2, They are however NOT police cars.

3, You should therefore not slow down to 56mph and hold me (you / whoever) up on the motorway.

4, So...

5, Either, hurry up

6, or

7, Get out of my way.

8, In fact regardless of there actually being a Nissan Patrol Highways Agency van, if your going slow, get out the way OR hurry up.

9, Don't you have homes to go to ?

10, Rush hour, why ...... nobody rushes but should, the biggest paradox of modern life ?

PASS THIS ON, who knows, we may solve congestion as we know it.

In fact....

11, Lorries, do you have to overtake on the A34 duel carriageway, spend 5 minutes gaining half a lorry length only to give up when you get to a hill and the lorry you were trying to overtake goes faster ?

12, Farmers, why not leave your tractor / combine parked at your field and drive home in your car ? Ditto JCB drivers and building sites ?

13, Old people, do you really have to go to the garden centre in rush hour (see note above, re: nobody rushing), you've got all day for FFS. ?

14, Generally (but to happless accounts woman and bald CRV numpty especially), it is neither clever or fashionable NOT to use your indicators.

15, 4.0 litre 'High Ouput' Jeep drivers; just because your w**k heap struggles to get to 70mph despite being 'High Output' does mean give you the exclusive right to hold up a line of 100+ cars in the fast lane, does it ?

16, Old Grinners in electric wheelchair scooter thingies; whilst we are eternally grateful for the sacrafice you and your generation made in WW2 to allow us to get stuck in traffic in 'rush hour', is it really such a good idea to drive your charriot at 4mph on the road ? .... Afterall your probably only popping out for a paper and a loaf of bread ?

Pass this on or add to it, starting at Number 16 then pass it on !
 

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I love it when everyone has slowed to a crawl to match the Highway Agency cruisers and you stroll past a reasonable speed, the looks the more 'mature' drivers give you. Glee as they think you're about to be pulled over, but then disappointment when you don't!!

On another point, when that job came up I looked at it to see what it involved, if I remember the salary for cruising around at 55mph is about £17k, £17k!!! to be the first at a fatal accident, to be standing on the hard shoulder providing a human crash barrier to broken down motorists!! No thanks!
 

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Number 17: Why do people insist on waiting for you to just about overtake them then pull out quickly? Is it becasue they think there is no space behind you? Then they continue to travel 1mph faster than the car in front of them until they are 200m past it then they can "safely" pull back in!

18: Why do people slow down when people are coming on the M-way from a slip road... JUST MOVE INTO THE MIDDLE LANE YOU DONT HAVE TO SLOW TO 30mph and let them in causing a huge JAM! ahhhhh

19: Ditto to the patrol vans had to be repeated! (what duristiction do they actually have?)

20. Why do people insist on sitting in the fast lane of a dual carriageway that leads up to a roundabout just because after the 2mile stretch of 2 lanes they want to turn right???[:mad:]

Anyway rant over keep it going all you commuters!
 

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Yep I did exactly that the other highways van tootling along fly passed him after slowing intially as I thought he was the piggies 1/2 mile later go past a proper police 4x4 on a motorway ? pretty rough those motorways eh. people crawl past at under 60 in a 70 !!!!! I blast past just above the speed limit and then my bloody hot side intercooler hose decides to blow off !!!! in the fast lane !!!!! GULP some doris waits to long to let me in losing power captain wack on the hazards dappy mare gets the message cruise across three lanes to then have my head nearly run over for ten minutes whilst I re attach said hose oh joy.
 

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Is it me, or are there a couple of different agencies patrolling the motorways ?

I notice on the southern half the M25 you get the Highways Agency disco's either holding traffic up or closing a lane due to a broken down vehicle, then you have the VOSA Sharan vans that I presume are just enforcing traffic flow. Though I notice round Essex way on the M25 they have the vehicles signed up as Traffic Enforcers whilst holding up traffic.

Any ideas on what there powers are, and the difference between them ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I don't think they have any power other than to cause mayhem, in fact it's not them, they are a fantastic idea, it's the numpties that cause the mayhem.

Interesting on how this is built up, perhaps different areas are out to contract, this may explain different vehicles used in different regions. Certainly on the M4 and M40 the ones I've seen are Nissan Patrols..... not the most fuel efficient vehicle to have cruising up and down the road all day every day is it ? They'd surely be better off with transits. And surely they'd be better off painting them a little less Police car like.
 

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They will probably leave them Police like because the Highways Agency are seeking a change in legislation to allow the Highways Agency patrols to have more powers, i.e.: being able to issue on the spot fines for minor traffic offences. Something the Police are not very keen on. I can't remember where I read this now, if I do I'll post a link up.

Currently their superhuman powers are:

The Traffic Management Act 2004 became law in July 2004 giving Highways Agency Traffic Officers powers to:

  • Stop traffic and close roads, lanes and carriageways;
  • Direct and divert traffic;
  • Place and operate traffic signs;
  • Manage traffic and traffic surveys

Secondary legislation to provide a further extension of powers is expected during 2005 to:

  • Cover the removal or arranging removal of abandoned or broken down vehicles on the roads;
  • Authorising exceptions and relaxations for other road users from the motorway regulations, such as the use of the hard shoulder

Failure to comply with a Highways Agency Traffic Officer's directions or sign they have placed on the motorway is an offence and could lead to:

  • A fine of up to £1,000
  • Driving License endorsement or disqualification
 

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Ah, good ol' Highways Agency vans - they sooooo want to be traffic police it's unbelievable.

I have to say I'm with the cops on this one - extending their powers to allow issuing of fixed penalties is a bad idea. Hm, another central-government agency that can levy fines directly? How much pressure are they going to be under to meet "targets" for issuing fines? Rather like the privately run traffic wardens, and look how well that turned out - massive rule-bending, ineffective appeals process, etc, etc.

On the topic though, I used to regularly blat past the traffic cops on the M6 at an indicated 80 (so about 75 really). In 18 months of this I never got so much as a second look - the cops have enough real work to do without booking folk for being just over the limit in good conditions.

Always gave me a laugh as I zipped past the queue of shirt-on-a-hanger types, queued up like naughty schoolboys. And they were in such a hurry 5 miles earlier...
 

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Those Highways Agency lot are all over the M42/M6, they really do get off on pretending to be the law.

Their Markings are in dark grey, the police ones are in a bright blue.

Beware if you break down & they offer to tow you out of the way, you'll get a nice bill for it, even if its a matter of a few 100 feet to the slip road..
 

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I hate the fact no one pulls over or deals with people sitting in the middle lane...

They cause congestion by only having one lane to over take them on legally!
 

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its the lorries overtaking lorries that really makes my blood boil.

especially up hills, whats that all about.

(situation) two lanes, two lorries, one fairly steep incline.

(outcome) lorries decides to overtake, or try to, only to find he struggles up the hill also so they are both neck and neck holding me and the great wall of china length of cars behind
 

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21. When the lights change to green, this means pull away instantly. You should have the car in gear ready to go. You do not sit there for 5 seconds wasting everyone elses life!

22. At busy roundabouts, please pull out into gaps. Do not wait for that mythical empty roundabout, it aint gonna happen in rush hour

23. Please use your mirrors before pulling out 20 yards infront of me, I don't appreciate having to suddenly brake from 70mph to 50mph. Also, when you do pull out, remember to use your indicators as I don't appreciate nearly dying. Also, do not look so supprised when you get a horn blasted at you

24. If you have a Nissan Micra, please never ever drive on the road. Owning a Micra means that you always drive at 2/3 of the speed limit regardless (is there something wrong with the speedos in Micras or are 90% of the owners just sloooowwwww?)

25. Drivers talking on mobiles (no handsfree), your conversation is not as important as everyone else's life.. can you please trade your car in for one with no airbags, find a deserted lane and drive at 70mph into an oak tree. Or more to the point, can you finish the call and just try to remain in your lane

26. I have Xenons, yes they're bright, but they're correctly adjusted. Please stop flashing at me, or I'll flash at you and show you how bright my lights really are.

27. When an emergency vehicle, police/ambulance/fire is travelling in the opposite direction on a clear road, this doesn't mean we need to stop on our side

.. and breath out. ;) That and all that's been said earlier on the average drive through Derby in the course of a week.
 

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Old people, do you really have to go to the garden centre in rush hour (see note above, re: nobody rushing), you've got all day for FFS.
My favourite, and one that drives me mad. Old people out in rush hour inflicting chaos on those trying to get home after a hard day at work. Not only that but why do they all pick between 12 and 2 to do their weekly shop, meaning that a trip to Sainsburys at lunchtime for some essentials turns into an assault course of piss smelling, hearing aid wearing coffin dodgers bouncing trolleys off of each and blocking whole aisles while having a conversation with Wilfred and Marble, their old neighbours that they havent seen for 5 years, blissfully unaware that everything around them has ground to a halt as a result.

And is it just me, or do old people pick every bit of fruit or veg up and press into it so hard, (hand shaking vigourously) that they actually damage it, then put it back on the pile for everyone else to sift through. Why?

Do your feckin shit between 9-12 and 2-5. Don't get in my way by driving your Rover 800 Sterling (yes they always have dents on the rear bumper where people have hit them because of their insistance on panic braking/slowing down for no reason and stopping at roundabouts that are clear, which is down to the fact that they are so old and decrepid they have no sense of distance or perception. Yes, its me behind you that keeps beeping when you slow down to 15MPH for no reason; the fact that you are completely oblivious to anything behind you is causing me and others a problem, if you can't cope with modern day roads don't come out, but don't look at me like I'm a moron and mumble to yourself about the youth of today when I overtake and make a gesture that you should be made to retake your test. Just because the highlight of your day is a trip down to the local Halfords to get a touch up paint to cover up that 10" gash in your rear quarter you did trying to reverse into your garage, there are some of us who have work to do and places to be.

End of rant, I feel better now....

Fact is, elderly drivers are more of a menace and danger than inexperienced one in my opinion.
 

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Oh, and Highways Agency vans, aren't they driven by people who are too thick/fat to ever have a chance of being a copper, so instead spend their days tooling around getting off on the fact that at least some people think they are in a position of power?

Oh and...

28. Yes, I will drive straight at you with my main beam on and pull out at the last second if you are driving towards me with yours on for no reason, hurting my eyes. That also goes for idiots who have to drive round with their fog lights on when they don't need to. The clue is in the title...It doesnt make you look cool or big, it just dazzles and annoys other motorists.
 

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24. If you have a Nissan Micra, please
never ever drive on the road. Owning a Micra means that you always
drive at 2/3 of the speed limit regardless (is there something wrong
with the speedos in Micras or are 90% of the owners just sloooowwwww?)
Wow,
I just had some silly old bint in a Micra not pay any attention to a
mini roundabout she was approaching and pull out in front of me. I
stopped at her drivers side front wing which low and behold had a huge
dent in it, lmao!

She gritted her teeth and I swore at her before driving off. Bloody old people.
 

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Old people, do you really have to go to the garden centre in rush hour (see note above, re: nobody rushing), you've got all day for FFS.
My favourite, and one that drives me mad. Old people out in rush hour inflicting chaos on those trying to get home after a hard day at work. Not only that but why do they all pick between 12 and 2 to do their weekly shop, meaning that a trip to Sainsburys at lunchtime for some essentials turns into an assault course of piss smelling, hearing aid wearing coffin dodgers bouncing trolleys off of each and blocking whole aisles while having a conversation with Wilfred and Marble, their old neighbours that they havent seen for 5 years, blissfully unaware that everything around them has ground to a halt as a result.

And is it just me, or do old people pick every bit of fruit or veg up and press into it so hard, (hand shaking vigourously) that they actually damage it, then put it back on the pile for everyone else to sift through. Why?

Do your feckin shit between 9-12 and 2-5. Don't get in my way by driving your Rover 800 Sterling (yes they always have dents on the rear bumper where people have hit them because of their insistance on panic braking/slowing down for no reason and stopping at roundabouts that are clear, which is down to the fact that they are so old and decrepid they have no sense of distance or perception. Yes, its me behind you that keeps beeping when you slow down to 15MPH for no reason; the fact that you are completely oblivious to anything behind you is causing me and others a problem, if you can't cope with modern day roads don't come out, but don't look at me like I'm a moron and mumble to yourself about the youth of today when I overtake and make a gesture that you should be made to retake your test. Just because the highlight of your day is a trip down to the local Halfords to get a touch up paint to cover up that 10" gash in your rear quarter you did trying to reverse into your garage, there are some of us who have work to do and places to be.

End of rant, I feel better now....

Fact is, elderly drivers are more of a menace and danger than inexperienced one in my opinion.
100% spot on, i agree that old people are more dangerous then young boy racers due to their hesitance and slow driving
 
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