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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Going through a tough patch at the moment. Think I'm depressed. I hate my job and cant find another and people that have left for other jobs are starting to come back. Why cant I get a shot at a new job cos i sure as hell wouldn't come back. Uncertain about the future. Theres no way i'll be able to buy a house at the rate my life is going.

I decided to split up with my girl friend about 18 months ago. about 7-8 months ago she has filled my thoughts everyday. Arranged to go for a drink with her tonight not planning on telling her that i was still crazy about her (which i didnt completely know until I saw her) turns out see waited a year for me and she would have got back together. now she has a new boyfriend who she has been with for 5 mounths. i feel destroyed if i had realised and done something about it when i first starting thinking about her all would have great. But oh no, not with me cos i make all the wrong discions.

before i found out see was seeing someone else i had lost my appitite, couldn't be bothered to go out, lost interest in things i love, i spend most of my time alone. Now that this has happened i dont know what i'm gonna be like. Is it gonna get worse? why do I also fuck everything up. I messed school up, i havent spoken to my Dad since June, I can't get a new job and i finally found out that i've lost someone who i care for alot.

Life proper sucks!

Dean
 

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Now them m8 not far from me I am in Hartlepool If your Ex waited a year for you and after a year and a half and seeing a new guy still went out for a drink with you do you not think there is still some thing there for you tell her how you feel

As for work just keep trying some thing will turn up sooner or later
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
i told her how i felt tonight. I couldnt hold it in. She wants to be friends. I dont want to lose her in any way, but if i cant get over her without seeing her for 6 months will it be any easier seeing her more often?

cheers for the reply

Dean
 

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Teessider here [:D]

Chin up dude, things eventually work themselves out, they always do.I split up with my gf of 2 years a while back, felt like crap n thought that was it. Thankfully ivet met someone else who makes me really happy. As for the work, keep soldiering on, something will turn up. I've been worrying over my university course and finally got round to do something about it, now i feel much better. Things WILL work out. [Y]
 

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Do you have any deformities? Any life threatening tumours?

Life ain't all that bad mate. Hell I have a good job and I can feel down sometimes just thinking about what other people have got (that I want!). Its just the way life works. If you haven't got career prospects just now then get some, sell the golf to free up some capital. I sold mine 3 months or so ago and its been the best decision I've ever made, fianally I've started to be more sensible with money. There are opportunities eveerywhere, but you need to find them. They won't come looking for you. Find a career you think you'd like then head to Uni or College.

Another few things I'd mention is that you don't seem very confident. Anyone interviewing you will pick up on this instantly and it'll be over before its started. You really need to work on this. I think the Uni option would suit you as the social life would give you some of the confidence your lacking.

Btw, I don't think you still love the girl I think your just remembering good times you had as your life's got sh!tter. Forget about her, find another girl. Get yourself involved in something to keep your mind off it, the Gym, take up a sport, anything.

Don't get yourself in a rut cause if you won't get yourself out of it no one else will.
 

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at the beginning of the year i was living at home (although engaged) in a crap financial position and really stuck in a job i was beginning to loathe, although being a pretty happy-go-lucky sort i quite often felt like utter crap and that i'd never sort myself out

now i'm in a perfect starter job in the career of my choice, i've got a house with my fiancee and my financial situation, which although not perfect, is a hell of a lot better and i don't tend to worry about it anymore

things will work out in the end if you keep trying

i have to say that making a clean break from seeing the girl is probably best, as with drugs, smoking, drinking, cold turkey is always best in the long run

if you keep seeing her you will keep thinking about those times with her and you will go mad
 

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Dean,

Have you thought seriously thought about joining a club of some kind as you will meet great people that will help you build your self confidence, It will show to other people that you are willing to push for something that you don't have at the moment.

If you look to where you want to get to you will get there but it will take commitment from yourself , even it is in the form of re-education ( collage/Uni ) as advised by thechief . This is what i had to do and i started a night school course at a local collage studying AutoCAD, I got to meet a great bunch of people and progress myself at the same time .If your current salary not up to much you might be able to receive local government funding towards the course.

Jay
 

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sell the golf to free up some capital. I sold mine 3 months or so ago and its been the best decision I've ever made, fianally I've started to be more sensible with money
ditto that, i sold mine a month or so ago
 

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A few on here know I was in pretty much the same situation as you not long back, not just with the girl, but with life, job, everything. Wasn't depressed, just felt every day, what's the point.

If you try to hard to turn it round, it won't work. As time goes by you'll forget things and then suddenly, your life changes around. I know mine has and I wasn't looking for it.

So, don't let it worry you to much, time alone is sometimes good for you to figure out what you want in life. Then everything will all of a sudden just fall into place.
 

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I'm feeling like this, split up with my girlfriend and its hurting like crazy, I feel empty.
Keep yourself busy, it'll soon go away!

When I finished with my girlfriend I did, went out with mates, started going to the gym, lost over 4st (I had been turning into a buddha [:p]), always tinkering with the car........ had the time of my life. Now I'm back together with her and sharing a flat figure that one out LOL.
 

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Happiness needs to come from within you. I know its hard when you look in the mirror and don't see whats there with regards to your job / car / ex-girlfriend etc etc but the more unhappy you think you are, the more unhappy you'll be. Harsh as it sounds, who would want to be with you if you are moping about ? You attract a partner by being happy and having a zest for life - not my sitting in your room throwing JD down your neck.

A few months back, I was depressed, drinking alot and thought I had nothing to live for. But then my wife said to me " Take a look around you - SEE what you have - don't just look. You have a goob job with a good salary that is 1 mile from home. You can come and go as you please as you get on well with your MD - where else are you going to get that ? You have a nice house, a wife and a son that adores and idolises his Daddy. You holiday where you want" etc etc etc.

What I'm trying to say is that I was so caught up in my own self pity that I didn't realise what I had right infront of me. As said above - go out, join a club, organise a local uk-mkivs meet and make some friends. I don't know what happened with your Dad but I didn't speak to mine for nearly 10 years and I regret that missed time.

Good luckfella and [:D]
 

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Have you thought about joining the forces as a career option?

Everyone has their low points it's a fact of life... how old are you dean? If you are anything under the age of 65 then dont worry about it you have got plenty of time to work out what you want to do, I thought you were looking for another job anyway, seem to remember you posted about it a while back.. ?

As for women, you win some you loose some, be a man suck it in! There is nothing worse than sitting around moaping over an ex! This will lead to nothing positive, and will affect your ability to get into a new relationship too as you will always be thinking about your ex!

There are many options in life (obviously) but it boils down to two, you either a) Carry on as you are and continue to wallow in self pitty b) You think balls to this and get yourself sorted, you sit down you work out where you want to be and plan how you can get there and take it from there! and forget about the girl... christ man it was 18 months ago she has moved on so should you ..... and I have never remained friends with any ex's its a bad idea imo, and time does not heal....
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
hey chaps

after a rather sleepless night i feel a bit better. thanks for all the advice.

Im 23 and i think i've got into my head that i'm going through some kind of quarter life crisis with house prices always and still living with the parents and that kind of thing. I'm a fan of depressing music, the likes of Damien Rice but i've decided to stop listening to it far a while and already i feel the difference (Grand theft auto vice city sound track seems to be doing the trick). As far as the career goes i've thought about joining the forces to make something of my shelf but i dont think i could adapt to the life style. Because i'm lacking a lot of confidence i doubt everything, i have a negative attitude towards everything, ask me anything and i'll find you the downside. Giving this i don't have much beleive in myself and always imagin things failing. My Man keeps suggesting that i got and do plumbing but because of this negative attitude I see it as a waste of time and money because i dont beleive I will get a job out of it. I dont have much ambition but would love to write a novel but beleive its beyond my capabilities, which it probably is.

Over the last 18 months I think i've grown a lot. The thoughts of finding a place and starting a family are more frequent. When i was with the ex we did talk this kind of thing (I was with her over 4 years) but i didnt think I was ready for it. But now I think I am so it might be one of the reasons why i'm turning back to her.

As some might know, i tried to get some regional meets sorted and finally one was arranged but because of the way i've been lately just never went. Got the car booked in tomorrow to get my suspension fitted so think i'll go on a drive somewhere.

thnaks again for the advice

Dean
 

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gotta speculate to accumulate, Dean. You never see a poor plumber, do you ? There is a lot of call for plumbers - OK, so you have to put in the work but the rewards can be good. 12 years ago, I was working for HSBC. I'd been there 5 years and was getting paid ?8000. My girlfriend ( now my wife ) said " get out and so something else " and I thought what could I do ? I only knew banking ( no rude comments, thanks ). So I went for an interview as a shipping clerk - which I knew nothing about. But I got the job and have worked my way upto No 2 in the company - and I earn a bit more than ?8000 !!
 

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23 is nothing........ My brother just got his first 'real' job at that age (all he has done before is manual labour and a HND graphic design) in an unrelated trade to his HND. He has been working now for around 3 months and is on over ?40k.
 

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Dean! You probably won't believe this but my name is Dean and your story is exactly as my life has been for the last 12 months. The only difference being, I am 28 and was made redundant 3 weeks ago. I have applied for lots of jobs but haven't heard anything yet and it does get depressing. I had a house with my ex and the sale is only just going through now. She, like your ex, waited a year for me while I went out with the lads and got back to my old self. Can't believe you mentioned plumbing as this is what I have chosen to do after Xmas.

Chin up! Something always turns up and things sort themselves out.

Deano
 
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